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Wake up call

It was Friday morning and I was driving to work. I was driving down busy pennant hills road, sipping on a chai latte that I had bought at a service station. All of sudden the car in the middle lane did a sharp turn, lost control and did a 180 degree turn. They were flowing in the same direction of the rest of the traffic until they suddenly were driving head on towards me. I hit the brakes, it have only been a second but everything seemed to go in slow motion as I was heading towards the car. I was thinking to myself `we`re going to hit`. Sure enough we did collide head on, but luckily we didn`t hit each other very hard. Every one was ok and the cars only had very minor scratching. I was in a little bit of shock but was able to continue to drive to work and have a relatively normal day at work. Well as normal as you can get when you work in the disability industry, lol.

The accident was a bit of a wake up call to me. I have written blogs about some of my experiences, my marriage separation last year and some of the ways it has impacted me. After having a break down later in the year last year, I had spent this year trying to recover and for most of it being unwell. It is now towards the end of May and I`m  in a much better space. Although I did feel I was still in a rut. Some how the accident motivated me to once again realise that life is so fragile. One minute you can be minding your own business, then in the blink of an eye it can be taken from you. I was lucky peak hour traffic was relatively slow and that I was no longer on the freeway. A head on collision has the potential to be very devastating if we were going any faster. I have seen it many times before, especially on the freeway.

The accident some how motivated me to get out of my rut and find my passion for life again. I did a spectacular fall off the horse, but now I feel I`m getting back on the horse. I can now feel an inner joy and this appreciation for life. My goals and plans are all still there and I`m now able to take action on working on making them happen. I feel very excited that I`m getting myself back. I always knew I had a purpose, for a while there I was in a dark spot but now I feel my purpose.

I would encourage any one who feels they have lost themselves, their clarity or who is going through a dark patch. Don`t put too much pressure on yourself. You are the way you are for a reason and it is a signal that you need to take care of you. For the past few months I have been doing the basics. That is going to work, looking after the kids and taking care of my wellbeing. You will come back, your clarity will come back. Healing takes times. The first step is believing, the second is regularly doing little things for you and third is being patient. It will happen in time. I just hope when it does happen for you, that you don`t have to have a car accident for it to happen. Honestly I was heading back to myself any way, the accident just made it happen a faster. Like a wake up call to remind me I can take control of my life and that I have something to offer. All of the things that have happened in my life have contributed to where I am now. No matter what has happened in your life. You don’t have to remain powerless. They are opportunities for you to learn and become a better stronger, version of yourself.

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A Message of Hope for Survivors

If you have experience dv or sexual assault or if you know some one, this may be worth you reading. I am writing this because you are not alone. There are many people around the world who have experienced similar, who are also thinking and feeling similar. Except we all don’t know each other, therefore you feel isolated and alone. I am one of those people. When writing about things like this, I often wonder whether I am the right person to be sharing my experience and this message of hope? Every day I feel like hiding under a rock, yet my passion to talk about this and empower other women drives me out from under that rock. I have mentioned in other blogs that I was molested by a family friend on and off between the ages of four to twelve. I think it is appalling and absolutely unacceptable behaviour by any one that does that to a child. Yet I’m also aware that there are many other people who’ve had much more horrific experiences than me. It’s not an uncommon thing for people to have their own family not believe them. I’m lucky my parents believed me. I may have been bullied at school but it was mainly name calling, exclusion and I was slut shamed at the same time I was taking the man who molested me to court, but there are plenty of kids out there who are brutally beaten up every day by other kids. I was in a dv relationship from 2002 to 2007. It was mainly verbal and emotional abuse, intimidation and there were a few physical incidents but we didn’t have kids and I didn’t have horrific injuries. There are plenty  of women who experience horrific injuries, who fear for their lives and they also have kids to worry about. Last year I was raped, it was by some one I knew but it wasn’t a violent attack in a dark alley with a stranger. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who may be in a better position to write this but I think what I have to say is worth sharing. There are many forms of abuse, physical and sexual are just two types. There’s also emotional, verbal, financial, social, not to mention stalking. My thought process about down playing my experience is probably similar to many other people who are survivors. I don’t particularly like to go around calling myself a survivor but at the same time I also don’t think of myself as a victim. We  tell ourselves that other peoples experiences are worse, that we should have done things differently and that it shouldn’t be affecting us so much. We not only beat ourselves up but the rest of the world tells us we should be over it by now. We are constantly blamed for what we did and didn’t do. So we carry this burden with in ourselves and become careful who we share it with. We have learned the hard way that people find this type of thing terrible,  they are aware it happens yet it is often too confronting for them to think about it any more than just having some sort of awareness. Often people don’t know how to react when it is some one they know. They don’t have the skills  to support the person and there are many common misconceptions. Yes it’s very frustrating when it seems so many people seem to judge and not understand. It’s easy to feel angry for what happened and angry at the world but often people can’t truly understand what they haven’t experienced, especially if they aren’t very well informed. It’s perfectly reasonable and human to feel anger but it is unhealthy, a waste of time and energy to live in that state. The only person anger will affect is ourselves. It’s not going to make any difference to the perpetrator or any one else. Perpetrators are usually skilled at doing things behind closed doors or when no one is around. Often they are well liked people and there fore it’s difficult to believe they would do such things. It’s much easier for people to believe the person they put on show to the rest of the world than to accept they are a predator, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You may already know this but your experience is real. How you feel is valid.  There is no time limit on healing from these experiences. Trauma may last weeks, months or even years. You were abused, there is nothing wrong with you. Normal human beings don’t go around hurting and destroying other people. You haven’t done anything wrong, they are in the wrong. In fact, you have the strength with in to heal and rise again. When you rise, you will be a much better and stronger version of yourself. These unfortunate experiences don’t define us. As you read these words it may be hard to believe you can get past where you are now. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it takes time. Do what you need to for you so you are in a better space. Whether it be counselling, journaling, art and craft or joining a support group. I’m doing all of the above but my support groups are a couple of Facebook groups, message me if you would like to know what groups they are. There are plenty of people in the groups who have similar experiences, thoughts and feelings. The groups are very well moderated by admin. I’ve found it good to connect with people who understand. Honestly I’m still not entirely over my experiences but I’m fighting to be a better person and to help empower others who are have experienced similar.  A blog and joining a local committee might not be much, but I’m doing my best. We are all doing our best and as I always say ‘our best is enough.’

I thought I might mention here that this also happens to boys and men. The majority may be women but it does happen to men. They are also in need of support. Violence and abuse is awful no matter who it happens to.

(note: I found the wording to this image on Instagram via tinybuddha.com)

There’s nothing like getting out in nature!

Getting out in nature is not something I do very often. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just get busy with work and kids. I don’t get much spare time but when I do I often become a bit of a hermit. I relax on the lounge, write my blogs and books whilst watching Netflix. On Saturday I went on a bushwalk with a friend. We began the walk at 10:45am and finished about 3:00pm. When we arrived back to the picnic area we had afternoon tea. My friend and I both enjoy photography, we stopped and took many photos along the way. The walk went in a loop and about half way around we stopped for lunch. It was good to have some time out in nature, with good company and to have some time away from social media and our busy lives. I was sick all last week but pushed myself to go to work. Although the walk was a long one with some steep, rocky parts, I think it was still good for my wellbeing, even if had been unwell. I’ve actually been inspired to get out in nature more. Other than being good for our wellbeing, it’s good exercise and an opportunity for me to take photos.  I think I’ve been inspired to get out in nature more often.

Monday I had the day off work. I have been sick for most of this year and Monday morning my whole house hold slept in. That means all four kids also slept in and we woke up ten minutes before I was supposed to leave for work. It would be great if they actually slept in on weekends, lol. I was still really run down so I decided to take the day off work. It was a kid free day because the older two were at school and the younger two were at preschool. I have really needed to have some sick days recently but  pushed myself to go to work. I really needed  to recover from being sick and also get myself in a better emotional space. My emotional journey  is another blog, lol.  I actually went and got a massage, I was so sore. The muscles in my whole body were like broken up concrete, I’ve had this a lot lately. I went to the chemist to get a puffer and a preventer puffer, whilst I was there I bought some espom salts. Before leaving the shops I bought myself some Chinese soup because soup is supposed to be good for you when you are unwell and I love Chinese. When I arrived home I put some relaxing music on and had an Epsom bath. After my bath I did a mini meditation and had a nap. Other than that I relaxed on the lounge, went through some of the photos I took and wrote a couple of blogs on my laptop. If you are interested in seeing some of the photos I took on my bushwalk then click here.

 

Stop the victim shaming!

I find the outcome of the Mullins case infuriating. She was raped at just 18, a virgin at the time and to this day is suffering. Saxon will never be the same again and it is something she will never forget. This is everything that is wrong with out society. He at least spent some time in jail, nowhere near enough time but it’s more than the majority of perpetrators.  Statistics say that only 3% of rapist are jailed, whilst only 2% made up their sexual assault. Yet people constantly question and doubt the victims. People may want to think about that next time some one decides to open up and to talk about their assault. It’s not something victims open up about often and they chose carefully who they open up to.  I find it very  disheartening knowing the majority of women are going to get no where when they report sexual assault. It has taken this publicly known case for people to be out raged and a discussion to begin.

The law taking the perpetrators side and society victim shaming is deeply ingrained in our society. In Saxon Mullin’s case she has been doubted, questioned ‘why did she get down on all fours’, ‘why didn’t she just say no’. She did repeatedly ask to go back inside. Why is she being the one being victim shamed? Why aren’t people asking ‘why did he act in such a disgusting and unacceptable manner’? After all he is in the wrong. It is an all too common scenario where the victim has suffered enough but society and even often those closest to them add even more suffering. I am absolutely gob smacked at the level of ignorance and victim shaming that I have witnessed in my life. I have experienced it to a bit myself. Often the first reaction to sexual assault is all about what the victim was doing, not doing. Where she was and what she was wearing. I’ve heard and witnessed things like ‘why is she bringing it up now’, ‘why did she give in’, ‘why didn’t she do more’, ‘why did she freeze’,  ‘she shouldn’t have been wearing what she wore’, ‘why was she at his house’. Based on this theory nearly every one would be raped at some point in their life  What the person is wearing and where they are is irrelevant. Clothes and locations don’t rape. It is the perpetrator who chooses to abuse.

People are becoming more aware about domestic violence, sexual assault and mental health. However it is too common for people to not even know what sexual assault or domestic violence really is or how trauma and mental health impacts people. There are a lot of common misconceptions and I wonder why every school and every work place doesn’t have mandatory training on these things? We need to move beyond awareness to education. No wonder victims suffer in silence. Why would people want to talk about their experience, why would they want to report it when it is likely they are going to be victim shamed and then 97% chance that nothing is going to come of it? Victims struggle enough with their own trauma and  beat themselves up enough with guilt, shame and wishing they had done something different. They don’t need any one else beating up on them. They are fighting to live like a normal person, feel a spark of happiness and regain a sense of self-worth. The trauma can take weeks, months or years and the struggle is real. Yet people try to constantly diminish their experience, diminish their trauma and how they are feeling. It is a very isolating experience. I have witnessed victim shaming of  women I know. Women I  who are seeing psychologists, counsellors and struggle to put on a happy face. It just makes me want to say a big FU to any one who has tried to minimise mine or any other person’s experience.  It is most likely you who lacks understanding and who is in need of being better educated about these things.  I’m passionate about this sort of stuff because I know what it’s like to suffer and I too often see this type of ignorance. I find the statics of sexual assault and domestic violence alarming and I have so much empathy for the people who have endured violent and traumatic experiences.  I feel for any one who has experienced any type of sexual assault or violence. Everyone’s experience may not be in a dark alley with a stranger like Saxon Mullin’s but it doesn’t mean it is not valid. Their experiences are still real, their feelings are valid and the perpetrators are the ones who are in the wrong. This is an opportunity to have a discussion about consent and why aren’t people (especially boys) better educated? Why is victim shaming and rape culture so acceptable? At the end of the day, every one has a right to say no. It doesn’t matter whether they know the person or not, it is still every single persons human right to say no.

Equal and Worthy

This is a photo me when I was thirteen years old. My Mum took the photo on my grandmothers wharf.  I have chosen this photo because it a very vulnerable time for me in my life, I have gone into more detail in another blog ‘My Version of 13 Reasons Why’.

As a mother I don’t know how many times I’ve heard comments like ‘your lucky your husband helps around the house’ or ‘where are the kids, is your husband babysitting’? Isn’t looking after your own kids called parenting regardless of whether you are a man or a woman? If the kids are both ours, we both work and both live in the house, then isn’t it fair that he would do some of the house work? The other thing that bugs me and I know also bugs many other Mums is how a Dad can take the kids out and get comments about how he is such a good Dad. Which he probably is, but the Mum never gets any compliments. She usually gets comments as to what she should or shouldn’t be doing. The exact same thing happens when Dads post on social media compared to when Mum’s post. One of the first questions I was asked by many people after I had my four babies was ‘when are you returning to work’. These days there is a much bigger expectation that women who have kids work, whilst those who don’t tend be judged more for staying home. In the past women were judged who didn’t stay home but now it seems the scale has tipped in the opposite direction. I know many women who feel guilt for staying at home because they don’t feel like they are contributing enough and they have also experienced judgement from others. It is fantastic that women are able to work but there is no need for all this guilt and judgement. I also wonder why there aren’t more jobs available the are within school hours. Because fitting into a standard 9am-5pm job means that we have to cover costs such as daycare, before and after school care. These costs take a large amount of our pay. The other cost of working 9am-5pm means the kids no longer have parents walking them into school when being dropped off and picked, then being there for them in the afternoon to give them afternoon tea and do homework with them. It is a mans working world and women with children are trying to fit into that instead society making more family friendly jobs available. The gender pay gap is also another issue for many, I personally am not affected by it but I think it is worthy mentioning here considering it is an issue.

From the beginning of time it  seems sexism is rife. In this age where men and women are supposed to be equal, there are many ways women are just not equal and this starts from a young age.  Boys and girls see their mothers doing the majority of the house work and cooking whilst their Dads watch football and drink beer. I know that is a very generalised comment, there are some men who are very good cooks and women who also like to watch the footy. I’m just trying to paint a picture and I’ve have actually witnessed this a lot. The 2016 census results revealed women still do the majority of house work regardless of whether they work or not and a whopping one in four adult Australian men doen’t do abosolutely any housework at all.

A lot of kids are given gender appropriate toys and are scolded if they play with a so called in appropriate toy. I think fair enough if kids are drawn to certain toys, there is a lot of argument that they may in fact have been conditioned to be drawn to certain toys. I’m not going to argue whether they are conditioned or not but I have known little boys who aren’t allowed a toy kitchen, to play with ‘girls’ toys or to do dancing class because they are girls things. They hear phrases like ‘such and such is for a girl’ and ‘don’t be a girl’. On TV, the internet and magazines little girls and boys are bombarded of images of what is considered beautiful and most models are pretty skinny, tall and with all their make up they look glamorous There is nothing wrong with being skinny or wearing make up but they do not reflect all women. A large percentage of women do not look this way and  are not this body type. A lot of time  the women they see are sexualised.

As boys begin to get older their peers make sexist comments, sexist jokes and inappropriate grabbing is thought to be ok by many teenage boys and some young men, they just brush sexual harassment off as just a joke. Girls are much more likely to be slut shamed than guys. In this age where both men an women are supposed to have equal sexual freedom to participate in casual sex if they wish, the woman is still judged more harshly. It is much easier for a women to fall for a guy they have a casual encounter with, This is because we release a bonding chemical during sex. However with men, emotion and sex are in different regions of the brain. There for he won’t see or feel the same way for a woman he hooks up with, compared to a some one he feels something for and wants more from. A guy is also  less likely to not want any more from a hook up because he’s already got all he can from her and doesn’t want to be with some one who sleeps around. However it is much more acceptable for a man to engage regularly in casual sex until he finds a partner. This whole hook up culture is supposed to be women’s chance to explore their sexuality and feel empowered but many women’s experiences are far from empowering. The hook up culture is more beneficial for men. About 80% of males reach orgasm whilst only 40% of women do. This being partly due to the guy not making as effort with some one he doesn’t care for and not understanding how to satisy a woman sexually. Women experience a much higher rate of negative emotion afterwards. Emotions such as regret, shame and feelings of worthlessness. A big part of this post hook up hang over is due to societies double standards and because of men’s, especially younger men’s lack of understanding of the sexual and emotional differences between men and women. There is equal opportunity for both sexes to participate however it is more beneficial to one of the sexes because we are different. Yes some men have more feminine brains and some women more masculine, this has nothing to do with sexual orientation. What  I’m talking about some of the basic differences in how we are wired and it is something that people don’t seem to talk about or educate our kids about. It is always the girls who have to protect themselves. They are told they are ‘just being boys’.

When I say this, I’m not talking about absolutely everyone, but the girl being too emotional and the guy not getting it is a common thing. Especially when younger. Too often it is said to girls ‘your too emotional’ and ‘get over it’. If a guy is appearing to be an arse then people often say ‘well he’s just young’ or ‘he’s just being a guy’. Yes maybe young and unaware, but is that an excuse for disrespecting women and treating them poorly? I wonder if some of this ignorance would be avoided if they actually taught the emotional and sexual differences between men and women in high school. Communication would be a good thing to teach as well. A lot of people fumble through relationships not being able to understand each other properly because they don’t have the communication skills. Many times where it seems a guy is being an arse or the woman over emotional is just a lack in understanding of each other. As we grow past our teen years and early twenties, many of us know this and begin to understand the opposite sex a bit better.  I know every one has to go through their own lessons and heart breaks but I think a lot of hurt and misunderstanding can be avoided if high school kids are taught some of these life skills. Instead of just the physical side of sex education and the importance of protection maybe a whole subject on relationships would be beneficial. I wonder if teaching some of these things would also help reduce some of the sexism in our society.We have made great scientific advances, become more connected with our world and people through social media and the internet, yet we are not so good at relationships, interacting on a personally level and really understanding each other. Often the women are the ones who are trying to fit into a man’s world. We dim our emotions, pretend we are sexually the same and stay silent on things that matter. When we don’t feel comfortable with something or as though we are not being treated right, too often we brush it off and tell ourselves things like ‘I’m over reacting’ etc. Young women especially have a tendency to do this and put on a front, yet the guys don’t know how much women are holding in behind the mask. They don’t realise the struggle and often don’t realise the impact of their behaviour. I locked myself up for years afraid to say how I really felt, but in doing this I denied myself and i was taken advantage of too many times. One thing I realised is that usually people don’t intentionally hurt others, they are often unaware of how they are affecting another person and do not realise until they are told. If no one tells any one anything, how are they ever supposed to know? Yes there are men out there who are intentionally being predators. I think it is so important to teach our girls to have a voice, to be assertive, confident in who they are and express themselves with ease. We can talk about sexism and change until the cows come home, but we need to be the change we want to see by modelling that behaviour to our children and confidently using our voices. Using our voices only goes so far, the deeply ingrained attitudes of society can only be changed by also educating our children.

It is quite easy to brush off what I’m saying as ‘making a big deal over things’ but I’ve experienced sexism my whole life. 1 in 6 women has been raped, 1 in 5 young women/teenage girls has been pressured into sexual activities, In a lifetime 1 in 5 women have been stalked or experiences sexual harassment, 1 in 4 has experience emotional abuse or sexual assault and 1 in three has experienced physical violence. I have experienced all of them. Pretty much since I was 12 years old there have been many times I have experience inappropriate sexual comments, grabbing and jokes. I am one of of every one of those statistic I just mentioned. I have been stalked, sexually assaulted, raped and experienced both emotional and physical abuse from different men. I am just one person and many of the women I know have also experienced these things. If you are reading this, then you would also know a woman, at least one, probably more that fit into these statistic.

Isn’t it Ironic

We all know Alanis Morisettes ‘Ironic’ song well. I have days where it feels the song is about my life. Traffic jams when I’m already late or an empty tank of petrol. Every day at work it may not be ten thousands spoons when all you need is a knife but it definitely is ten thousand forks when all you need is a spoon. I don’t think irony is the only issue for me. I think it is little bit of irony combined with being over tired and stressed, which results in having brain freeze.  They do say that once you have baby brain you always have it. The past couple of days has had a bit of both. Well maybe more brain farts. It was only yesterday I had to break into my own house because I locked my keys inside. I mentioned in a previous blog that I so far had only used my camera for photos of the kids and family events. So I have finally begun to experiment with photography of scenery and interesting objects. My camera has so many functions that I look forward to learning about.  Yesterday I went to Umina beach, it was a beautiful day, perfect for taking some photos. I took my camera along and of course the battery was flat because I had forgotten to charge it. Oh well no big deal, it was still a good day with my two eldest girls. They played at the park, we walked on the beach and had afternoon tea at the beach kiosk.

On the way home I stopped at Bunnings because I had to pick up some shears to do some gardening with and get some wood for the kids cubby house. I also had a purchase order to pick up some things for work . I spent two hours there and the kids were stir crazy. Then I had trouble fitting everything in the car. I had to get the girls to squish in to the seats in the middle. They have the larger car seats in the back row and my younger two have smaller seats in the middle. I put one of the back seats down, two would have been better but there was too much stuff in the way as well as the car seats. Almost everything was in except for the big square piece of wood for the cubby. I had trouble getting it in and was beginning to think I might have to leave it behind. I finally managed to get it in. Note to self, next time I plan to do a big Bunnings shop, go with out the kids, take the car seats out and put both back seats down before I try to put anything in.

Today I bought some Homyped thongs so my feet are better supported. I have always had a tendency to get sore arches and have really been noticing it lately because I’ve been wearing cheap, flat thongs. I found some but they were sixty nine dollars which I thought was expensive. I know Homyped shoes are usually expensive for shoes but last tine I bought thongs it was a couple of years ago and  I bought two pairs that were $35 each. I decided to buy the sixty nine dollar thongs because I needed to wear them asap. The bottoms of my feet were aching. I immediately took my old thongs off, threw them in the rubbish bin and put my new ones on. Before leaving the shops to go home I was going to pick up some dinner. I was walking past the chinese take away and stopped to have a look. I decided to buy the oyster chicken and Mongolian lamb for. I went to get some money out of the ATM and then returned to the takaway shop. I opened my purse to get the money out and it wasn’t there. I searched my whole purse and bag and still could not find the money. I went back to the ATM and the money wasn’t there either I looked at a mini statement on the atm and the $20 had been withdrawn. Damn, I must have left the money at the ATM and some one else must have taken it. I decided to buy a BBQ chicken instead, which which probably was a better option for me considering I’ve been having a lot of IBS trouble. As I was about to go to the car park, I walked past a Chemist that has a clearance sale on Homyped shoes. The thongs were $25.95 and the shoes $39. I could have bought 2-3 pairs for the same price. Oh well, there was not much I could do. My old thongs were in the bin and I was already wearing the new ones. ;

Little moments like this are a bit of a nuisance at the time, but they are something to laugh about. As they say ‘laughter is good medicine’. It is good to be able to laugh at ourselves and I believe a healthy thing to see things in a positive light. Everything happens for a reason and the only thing that makes anything negative is our attitude. . I am just thankful I had a good day at the beach with the kids yesterday, bought the things I needed from Bunnings and now have new thongs.

Our Best is Good Enough

IMG_20180225_102114_HDR.jpgI quite often give my kids food like this. It is great for morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner. If it is for a snack then they may also have a muesli bar or a mini muffin. Small BBQ chicken pieces or ham if it’s lunch. Fish, sausage or chicken and small amount of rice, pasta of mash potato if it’s dinner. They seem to eat more when they have some choices and are able to serve themselves. This is a photo from morning tea from a few weeks ago. tonight’s dinner platter had cucumber, tomato, apple, carrot, strawberry, raspberry and tasty cheese cubes.

For the last couple of days I’ve had stomach pains and have been going to the toilet a lot. I’ve been quite cranky and tired. Today it occurred to me that I’m not well and probably have some sort of gastric bug. Sorry for too much information. I just had to have a nap today while my younger too climbed all over me and made a mess of the house. After picking my elder two girls up from school, I just didn’t feel like cooking, so I came home via Maccas. I feel my eating standards have really gone down since having kids. I bought a double fillet o fish meal and a 24 nugget special. Take away is ok once in a while but I feel I probably choose unhealthy options more than I would like to. I have this inner conflict between the really healthy me who has studied nutrition and the exhausted me that doesn’t have the energy and motivation. I think it is a probably a common thing for  busy Mum’s to feel this way but I think as long as we are doing our best and generally eat well then there’s nothing to worry about. I made a compromise with myself, the exhausted, unwell me bought McDonalds and the healthy me made up the little platter with some fresh fruit, veggies and cheese cubes. They had water as their drink. The kids had to eat all their healthy food before they were allowed any chips. Then the large chips is usually divided up between everyone including myself. That way we all get some chips but not too many. Today my eldest gave out the chips and she very carefully made sure each child had exactly 10 chips. She put 1 on each plate, then 2, 3 right up until she reached 10. For me I got my gluten-free wraps out of the fridge, put some mayonnaise on it and some shredded beetroot, kale and carrot. Yes I know gluten free wraps with filet o fish defeats the purpose because it has crumbs made from wheat. I’m not coeliac but I am intolerant and at times bloat, get cramps and constipation. No wheat is probably better for me but I can be ok sometimes with little amounts. I’m sure my tummy bug combined with what I ate will be great for my stomach (not) 🙂

My six-year-old asked ‘Mummy why can’t we drink coke’ and I said ‘because it’s unhealthy and full of sugar, but my drink is diet coke, which doesn’t have sugar. She then said ‘so does that mean we can drink it if it doesn’t have sugar’? I explained ‘no it’s still bad for you because it’s has really bad chemicals in it.’ That was when she asked me ‘why can you drink it if it’s bad for you’? Good question! I told her I should be drinking it either and I don’t drink it much any more, but when your a big person sometimes is ok. Since I went on my detox I mainly drink water, coconut water and herbal tea, so I don’t need to be too hard on myself and even if I was drinking a lot of diet coke, then it’s still not good to be hard on yourself.

I should be happy because it was a win, win. Every one ate which is most important that we are all fed and  I didn’t have to cook. The kids were stoked because they got some Maccas and I was felt good because they ate some healthy food. Sometimes foods such as takeaway are perfectly fine to have as sometimes foods. Our eating habits are just one of the millions of things that I can over think and  be too hard on myself about As Mums. I think we can be way too critical and judgemental of ourselves. It often feels like we’re expected to be super Mum. Maybe we also put that pressure on ourselves but we’re not superhuman and that’s ok. It doesn’t matter what any one else thinks. We get tired, sick, stressed and cranky at times. We’re only human just like every body else. I think this quote is great for this situation and any one else in a similar situation ‘In this moment, I am doing the best I can with what I have. I would never expect anything more from any one else who is doing their best. Then why do I expect more from myself’?

doing best meme.jpg