When I look back at my choices in guys when I was younger, I think OMG what on earth was I thinking. I used to find it much easier to find a boyfriend. These days its not so easy and that is not because I have less options or because women are no longer attractive as they get older. It is because I am clearer on what I want and have higher standards. When I was younger I put up with so much shit that there is no way I would put up with now. I didn’t know what I wanted. I liked the idea of finding some one and being in love, especially since I was insecure. Therefore I had this habit of jumping into relationships too quickly. I didn’t even think of the possibility of looking around because there were other options and other guys out there that were more compatible. I created these fantasy versions of the guy I was with and fantasy version of how it was supposed to be, when in fact they didn’t represent reality or who the guy really was. Now that I’ve said good by to fantasy world, I don’t so easily fall for guys. I know exactly what I’m looking for, not that I’m looking but I know what I want for when I do meet some one.
When I first signed up to do online dating, I was asked by a few guys ‘what are looking for in a guy’ and ‘what do you want in life’. I would think to myself ‘oh shit, I don’t actually know’. There’s all these things I had to think about, for example what are my values and beliefs? I had to ask myself what do I actually want out of life and a relationship? What things won’t I compromise on in a relationship. What traits do I want in a guy? Some of the things I came up with were he must accept my kids and preferably have kids of his own. He must be honest, treat me with respect, be intelligent, emotionally mature, have a sense of humour, be supportive of things that are important to me, be attentive but not over bearing. He wants to improve so he can be a better version of himself. Being compassionate and wanting to make a difference in the world is an admirable quality. This is just a short list of answers I came up with but being clear about these things meant the majority of guys on these dating sites were not people I would actually be interested in. It’s amazing how the tables completely turned. Now it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. There are so many options with online dating yet I can barely find any one that sparks my interest. Then even if I do come across some one I usually decide they aren’t right after chatting with them for a bit. It is so easy to waste your time dating heaps of people and the wrong when you are not clear about what you want.
I’m not in any hurry to find some one, I am happy with my life as it is. The biggest thing I have learned from it all this is that we can make bad decisions and have poor judgement when our actions are driven by loneliness and insecurity. Once I found my own self worth with in, then I would only find a man who’s worthy of me. I am a complete person on my own, I don’t need any one to make me whole. No one can complete me, although one day some one may compliment me. Most of all, I can live a happy and fulfilled life being single. I have had things said to me like ‘why are you single, some one like you shouldn’t be single’ but I ask ‘why do I have to be with some one’? Why one earth would I want to waste my time being with some one for the sake of being with some one. I prefer to use my time and energy on some one who is worth it. Being single is empowering, it is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about myself and focus on the things that I am passionate about. Then when some one comes a long, it is an added bonus.