What anxiety is like behind closed doors

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Heat, incredibly hot and sweaty

Worried you actually smell from sweating

Emotion, intense emotion

Randomly bursting into tears

Bleeding out of you like you’ve been cut open

And you can’t contain the wound

Struggling to keep your head above water

Feeling like your drowning

Gut wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach

Churning, being torn apart internally

Which causes all sorts of stomach issues, including nausea

Nerves, trembling fingers

Tension throughout the body

Fatigued, exhausted, drained, yet can not rest

Needing to sleep for a week

All the while plundering along as though every thing is ok

Trying to be a good parent, colleague, person

But really just wanting to go and hide under a rock

Reading into everything, thinking people are talking about you

Your mind says they are not, but anxiety says otherwise

Sometimes just having to evacuate because it’s all too much

And hoping no one notices how bad a state you are truly in

That you are so unfocused and just not present

On the surface all seems well but anxiety is truly behind closed doors

It is silent, it’s lonely, isolating and it’s deceiving to the outer world

Gathering the strength to say ‘hey I’m not ok’

And trying to believe I’m worthy

I’m a normal human being who’s just going through an anxiety bout

It’s killing me but I don’t want it to define me, to control me

I want to raise awareness and for us all to support each other

I don’t want myself or any one else to be so burdened with shame and stigma

#itsoktonotbeok #nostigma #mentalhealthawarness

 

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