We all think out shit doesn’t stink. It’s easier to point at other people’s shit and tell them it stinks. It’s much easier than really looking at our own, seeing it for what it is and accepting it. I like the parable in the bible ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye’ Matthew 7:3. I’m not Christian at all and not the type to go quoting bible verses but I do like the analogy of this one.
Why is it so damn hard for people to take a good honest look at themselves? I think it is because it can be difficult, even painful to truly accept our shadow side, our short comings, how we’ve stuffed up. It’s heavy and it’s deep. Once we become aware, then with time accept these things, the challenge then is in character building and making positive changes. A lot of people just find it all too confronting and wonder if they are even capable of making the required change. Yes, we may be blind to our own faults but we are also blind to how amazing we really are and how much potential we have. The moment we sweep everything under the rug, is the moment we deny experiencing who we truly are and what we are capable of. It may be hard to do the self-work, but it’s worth it. We just need to some housekeeping and clear out some of the crap first.
Life can be difficult sometimes. There are times we are really tested, even broken. I know because there’s many times I’ve been broken, so broken I never thought I’d recover but each time I’ve managed to get back up a stronger, wiser and better person. Yes, I’ve had some real shitty things happen in my life, those that read my blogs would know what some of those shitty things are. However, I decided that I was not going to be a victim. I’m not a victim to circumstance and I’m not a victim to anyone else. I can’t control what other people do, but I sure can control how I react. We like to make excuses as to why we are being a certain way. Whether we stay down for way too long or think the state of our life is a good enough reason to be an arsehole. We always have the choice whether to be an arse hole or whether to live life with loving kindness. It doesn’t matter what is going on in our lives. We still have the choice whether to be a decent human being or not. There are very valid reasons for getting down, for being hurt and upset, even feeling defeated. It’s only natural that somethings would shake us up and knock the wind out of us. After all we are only human.
All this sounds good in theory, but how do we do stop being the victim and rise up?
• In reality we aren’t perfect, no one is perfect. we won’t always be able to honestly take a good look at ourselves or cope in the best way. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can stop being so hard on ourselves. Kicking ourselves when down just makes it even harder to get up. If you have a bad day, don’t decide you have a bad life. Get up and try again the next day.
• Expect there to be times when emotions are intense and not so good. We love the feel good emotions but try to avoid the negative ones. However, avoiding doesn’t make it disappear. It just festers with in and comes gushing out at some point in time and most probably comes out in the least ideal way.
• Accept and acknowledge what you are feeling and the reasons you are feeling the way you do. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t quite clear what the reasons are for you for feeling the way you do. Label what you are feeling ‘I am feeling (angry, hurt, scared, worried, confused)’ and tell yourself it is ok to be feeling the way you are feeling.
• Channel your negative emotion in a constructive way, instead of destructive. Punch a punching bag instead of flying off the handle at some one. Allow yourself to cry instead of drinking half a bottle of bourbon. Help others through giving, community service or focusing on some causes close to your heart instead of causing harm to others by doing things such as stealing, lying or manipulating. You have the power to deal with what you are going through in a better way, you have the power to be a better person. It’s all about how you choose to deal with things and what you choose to do. You have the choice and power, there is nothing or no body that can force you to act or deal with things in a certain way. It is all up to you choose to react and how you choose to think, feel and act.
Ask yourself ‘what type of person do I want to be’? I know I want to strive to be the person I have to potential to be. I may not always be there yet, but I know I can reach that potential if I keep aiming for it. What are you aiming for?