Today I had my first tattoo done. I have thought about it in the past but there have never seen or though of anything that I liked enough to have on my body permanently. That was until recently when the idea of getting a lotus tattoo popped into my head. I had a look on Pinterest and came across a design I loved. The lotus is something so relevant for this time in my life. One of my favourite saying is ‘may I be at ease like the lotus in the muddy water.’ The lotus is also a symbol of awakening. When the lotus begins to awaken it begins to bloom. It grows despite growing through the muddy waters and despite being in the muddy water it still blooms beautifully.
My whole life I seemed to get bogged down by the muddy water. I have been through some hard times in my life, but don’t most people go through hard times? I so much wanted to function and bloom despite the mud, but I had trouble getting past the mud. There was this person I wanted to be, the real me that never really bloomed. I always held back and was afraid to me. I was always too hard on my self and was so insecure. My insecurity and anxiety was painful at times. That was until recently until something changed with in me. Maybe partly its age and I got to the point where I just went stuff it, I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of feeling bad about myself, I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life when I could really be myself and do the things I want to do. I don’t want to waste my life any being negative. It’s too draining, I can’t do it any more. I’m not doing it any more.
I most definitely know this recent awaking or should I say becoming more myself, this ability to more easily let go and have a little bit of confidence has come from years of self work. Working on my thinking, working on my health, meditation, exercise. All that went down the toilet for a while after my third baby. I hit rock bottom and I thought I’d never come back but I came back even stronger than before. It is an intense finally healing and being able to be me. It is exciting, frightening and life disrupting yet life changing all at the same time. This lotus tattoo is a symbol of me awakening. I will always look at my tattoo and remember this time in my life.