Yes I’ll admit it. I have been judgemental at times, especially in the past. I think we all do it to some degree. It’s an easy thing to do, especially when we are feeling hurt. I have since become a lot less judgemental. It seems karma bit me in the arse a few times. I fell of that horse and was practically stomped on. Some of the things I judged in the past, I actually ended up doing but in being in those situations I had once judged, I learned that complexity of people and of life. Nothing is black and white. Every one is different and has their own reasons for doing things. Maybe it is true that you attract the very things you judge.
Generally people are just being themselves and trying to do their best. The majority of people aren’t intentionally going around trying to hurt and upset people.
We are all unique and have different beliefs, different interests, different ways of coping and different ways of doings things. That is ok and if you don’t like what another person is doing then way up whether it worth saying something or not. If it isn’t, then keep on scrolling, keep on walking, get on your life and forget about it. If it is worthwhile saying something, then say it to their face and explain how you feel in a non accusing way. Use I language to explain how you feel. For example I feel ______ when you _______. You statements such as you should, you did, you shouldn’t etc are all more likely to put the person on the defence.
Always keep in mind there are two sides to every story. Be a friend, listen but be careful of judging people you don’t really know. Be careful of judging some one if you have not heard their side to the story. Every one has their own story and their own reasons for doing things. As I mentioned before most people aren’t intentionally going out of their way to upset others. Every one usually has reasons for the things they do. You may not see their story or their reasons but they are there. We are all icebergs, there is so much below the surface of each and every person. You may not see below the surface but it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
Being judgemental and unforgiving is more a reflection of you than the other person. We can’t control what others do, but we can control our reaction. Carrying the burden of non forgiveness is more harmful to one self. The other person is just being themselves and getting on with their life. Where as the person who is judgemental and unforgiving carries the weight of that negative emotion. Depending on the severity of the emotion, it can cause much unwanted stress and worry. Deep negativity can be carried in the body and manifest as aches in the muscles, IBS symptoms in the gastrointestinal system, as low immunity. The list of ways in which deep long term non forgiveness can affect us is almost never ending. It is though we are carrying the non forgiveness around like a ball and chain. We should never let any one have that type of power over us.
We can claim back our power by regularly practising forgiveness of others and ourselves. It is just as important to forgive ourselves. We often have much higher standards for ourselves compared to the standards we have for others. There for we often judge ourselves more harshly. I know I can absolutely brutal with myself and that is something I have spent a long time working on so I am now more forgiving and at peace with myself.
How do you practise forgiveness?
- Cutting cords. To find out more about chord cutting, follow this link.
- In you own words say something along the lines of:
As today drawers to an end, I release any stress or negativity.
I forgive any one who has acted or though harshly towards
I forgive any one who has spoken or acted in a way I do not agree with
I know people are not their thought, emotions or actions,
I understand most people act negatively because they have their own personal issues and their behaviour is not a reflection of me, it is a reflection of their own inner suffering.
Harbouring negativity and non forgiveness towards another causes more suffering to myself than to the other person.
I choose to specifically forgive (add name/s here) for (add reasons here)
I release (insert name) to their highest good.
I also show forgiveness and compassion towards myself.
I know I am only human and trying my best.
I specifically forgive myself for (insert reasons why you are forgiving yourself).
I set myself free and release myself to my highest good.