Overcoming Anxiety

Firstly I want to say thank you to all my friends any family who have always loved me, accepted me and stood by me ❤ This is pretty deep stuff, especially for me to put on Facebook the internet and social media but I hope it helps others who are having similar experiences and it’s only a snap shot of the book I hope to write one day.
I have always been a  nervous, overly sensitive person, even when I was child.
Abuse as a child, bullying in high school and domestic violence as an adult didn’t help with the nervousness and anxiety
I spent my life never feeling good enough.
Never truly being able to be myself.
People would say don’t worry, so much, you need to let go and it doesn’t matter what others think.
Yes that is true and my rational mind always knew that is doesn’t matter what others think.
But I could never feel it. My thoughts and emotions  about self inadequacy consumed me.
I was so hard on myself that I couldn’t handle any additional criticism from any one else.
Perpetually being in this state affected me physically with bloating and muscular tension.
Social media was the worst for triggering anxiety.
I have always known social media it is not the real world but it was still a trigger for anxiety and made me self conscious. There were many many times I read into things the wrong way.
I’d always post things and delete because I’d get insecure about what I’d posted.
It was a state that affected every inch on my being and every cell in my body.
I just didn’t know how to be any other way.
So the easiest way to shut off the intensity was to keep busy, quietly go into my inner world and shut off.
But in shutting off, I shut off from really being myself, from really experiencing life.
I shut out the opportunity to get to know people and for people to truly get to know me.
Spending my life like this was exhausting and I didn’t want to be like this any more.
So I’ve over years I put in effort to try and make myself better.
At first it was with drinking and smoking.
In more recent years it was always being busy, binge eating sugary things and binge watching Netflix to escape.
However none of those thing solved the underlying problem.
On and off over years I have focused on diet, meditation, exercise.
They became a big focus before I had kids, especially the meditation and changing my thinking.
The meditation did make a difference
But became less and less after each baby.
It was after my third child I feared for the safety of my kids,
I nearly crashed the car a couple of times.
I didn’t recognise myself in the mirror.
So naturally when I became pregnant with my fourth my anxiety hit the roof again.
I couldn’t let myself get as low as I did after I had my third baby.
So I made a real effort to make things different.
After many attempts of trying to eat better, think better, exercise better and even relate to people and the world better.
I finally did it and over a period of time became more an more energetic, less and less tense.
More and more able to be myself and let go of little things that would tie me up in knots.
Then a  couple of months ago it was as though I had this awakening.
I felt excited for life and I felt the confidence to truly be myself and do the things I haven’t wanted to do but had always held back from doing.
I  had finally awakened from being asleep.
I used to wonder why it was so hard to be a human being and if people actually enjoyed life and were happy.
I often thought maybe my space ship would turn up one day and take me away.
But now I know it is possible to function as a human being
It is more than possible to enjoy life and be happy
It’s taken a lot of hard work but it’s all been worth it
For the first time ever I am  more confident to be myself
I have never felt so empowered
I have learned to love in a different way and not love out of need
This is such as massive and exciting thing for me
Yet it has its costs because the old me no longer exists
I am different person and the way I related to the world is different
I am becoming who I was always meant to be but never could be.
I think it is so important to believe in yourself. Every single person is unique, beautiful and has something to offer.

4 thoughts on “Overcoming Anxiety”

  1. Have you ever considered writing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog based upon on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e mail.

    Like

    1. Yes I have considered writing ebooks and also authoring a book. I hope to do so in the near future. I hadn’t actually thought of guest blogging until I just read this comment.

      Like

  2. Great blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s